Never Lose The Wonder

These Times

2012-02-12T03:24:00.002+08:00

Yay...the video is out!!! :) been waiting for this song for so long..haha

Anyway..yes..india..suffer..tired...pain..alone...etc...whats new..you know the drill..its not gonna change... :)

I have so many things to note down in this blog...but im just so lazy to do so...i will do it in the next post..haha

enjoy the song
:)

-JoshNg-

:(

2012-01-26T03:32:00.001+08:00

There are so many things I want to tell you..so many things i want to share with you..but you're always busy..always too busy for everything in the world except for me. Perhaps I'm wasting your time..It's like chasing the wind all over again :(

No mood to study

2011-12-11T17:36:00.001+08:00

Sigh..i should really be studying now..but i really really REALLY dont have the mood to sit down and study..

First of all,Thank God for his grace and blessing to me..I won a prize for my paper on evolution on temporomandibular joint :) its a small paper bt i really didnt expect to win for my hall. I really thought the paper on twin twin transfusion would have took the first prize. Bt anyway Thank God anyway. :)

So lately,Dental College has been impossible but made possible by God..lots of work to do..Lots of memorizing as predicted..lots of practical work..lots of exams..lots of drawing and carving. My theory paper has just finished a week ago.then we had a week break for this Basic Medical Sciences Seminar.Starting tomorrow onwards,the practical exams resumes...T.T aih aih ...my brain is really tired..

And my college decided that they might cancel the december holidays..because of that,i may not be able to go home for holidays..:( sigh..so thats a sad thing..but i dunu whats gonna happen..I PRAY PRAY that the holidays will be left alone by the admin in my college..sigh..Im not a robot that need to study 24/7 la..aih aih .

2011-11-10T23:32:00.001+08:00

Whenever i speak to people..people somehow assume im having fun studying in India.. There is this sense of expectancy of FUN frm india. Seriously WHICH human being on earth could think that way!! WHICH ONE!!!

Sigh..seriously what kind of human being?? Why would one assume such things.. U think this is wad? Magical world of Disney issit? I wished it is la. I would need to go back home by 12am if not the carriage will turn to a pumpkin!

AIH!!!!!!!! which sane person would think such a thing!!!!

sigh..for what it's worth..at least im studying something i like......

........

Lonely

2011-10-15T02:17:00.001+08:00

Im lonely...Studying in India is equivalent to living in isolation from the past,future,and everything. The catching up phase has slowly reduced. Everyone has their life's to live and soon,we're too busy to check in with each other anymore.. :( i understand...its nobody's fault. Sigh,got no choice but to accept this fact. Studying overseas is lonely. Yea u hv new friends and its all great but somehow you long for the familiarity and company of your closest friends..What's worst is when you figure out some of ur closest friends are to busy to entertain you when you are lonely,which again is not their fault as explained earlier.But still you'd wish they would have some time for you..when they dont?..sigh. Everyone else is having loads of fun while studying while im here...just here..studying..fun? what is that? enjoyment? does it exist? free time? dont get me started..But what can i do..this is the life that,well practically i have chosen..who applied here? who accepted the offer here?who chose this course? me...so i too cant blame anyone..not that there's anyone to blame..People usually point fingers when things dont go their way. So,this lonely 5 years is just a path i have to go through. Yea,your friends wont forget you,but u know the kind of company i mean. Sigh...even more lonely times ahead.

Heylo

2011-09-06T01:22:00.005+08:00

Hey all,
This will be a post that will probably last for some time..
I now finally understood those times when my friend 'ignored' me since he went to medical university. THERE JUST ISNT ENOUGH TIME!!!!!! My classes start at 8 and end at 3 frm monday till friday and on saturday(yes i have class on saturday) its 8 till 1 pm.. SO u see the time i have left to eat and rest and settle whatever buisness I need to do. The way my uni does things makes it so hard. I cant imagine that im actually living it. Their exam method is probably every mother's dream. For every chapter,there are minor sub topics. So,whenever a subtopic is finished,there is a test. Then,whenever a chapter is finished,there is another test. This happens for every subject. I have 7 subjects. and i have Dental Anatomy and Prostho Quoata to finish(practical work so you obviously need more time).. So every week there is a overlapping of studying for current lessons and revising for tests for previous lessons. Most of the time,in one week i have probably at least 2 or 3 test. There was one time,all 7 subjects had test on thursday,friday and sat plus my practical work deadline. AND,3 of my subjects has assignments for chapters finished. GRRRR...so i finally understand the meaning of the phrase, ''I busy''...haha

The reason why this would be a post in a long long time is because my terminals(ujian semester?) is coming and i need to start revising. Syallabus hasnt been completed yet so there is a need to get the previous subjects at your finger tips..

Many things are happening here. Day by day I receive news. Unpleasent news.Some of you know what I'm talking about. Yes i worry and i wonder if i will ever survive 5 years. But i guess in the end of the day... The joy of the Lord is my strength. God has closed every door and oppurtunity I have to other uni's that I have applied to. I dont know why but perhaps he wants to bring me somewhere via this place. Also,i believe my God is faithful, and he will carry me through this season. Suffering,rejection,annoyonce,failure,hurt,curses, and evil plans might follow men for 5 freaking long years...but I will trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding on why am i still here..so in conclusion I WILL GRADUATE!!!!! :)

-JoshNg-

Gone Away

2011-08-21T21:19:00.001+08:00

Man..talking about really being away from everything..I came here on the 28th of june. Its 21 august now so its rounding of to its 2nd month. Everything has been so fast for me. From the day i knew about my sudden alarming departure to my birthday and till this day. Feel like I've been gasping for air all the time just to adapt and digest everything thats suddenly occuring to me. Stressed yea..Sad yea too..I think finally aft a few weeks,the homesick disease has finally started. I've begun to miss everything back at Malaysia. NOW i can truly say how blessed is Malaysia..Then again,sometimes i can related india to malaysia which isnt really good things malaysians..haha. But nevertheless,no country is perfect and my own country isn't excluded. But if there is a parameter to measure how perfect a country is...hmmmmm :)

I miss my room
My blue walls,altho my room now is also blue. My hard rock bed. My space. My 2 tables and long shelf where all by books are. My big long window where i wake up to every morning. The smell of my pillow and blankie :) everyone's got their smelly pillow and blankie ok :P or mayb im still a kid :) the highway outside my condo where maybe twice or trice a week an accident occurs for me to marvel at..Sry.I'm not saddistic im just appreciating my room. I miss how at certain positions i lie my head i can see the kitchen at certain positions and still be able to look outside the highway. And there's that huge jalan raya lamp which looks like a giant golden dandelion if it lights up at night.

I miss the food in Malaysia
*another blogpost for this*

I miss family
*well,there's nothing much to talk about..coz its just plain out right into your face that i miss my family. Plus,too many things to talk about..I MISS FIGHTING WITH MY MOM!!! :P

I miss church
I miss the people in church.I miss playing the keyboard for Darren.I miss playing the keyboard all together..No,i actually miss playing the piano not the keyboard. I just miss the role i play for the worship team. I miss receiving emails frm worship leaders every week. I miss the sound of wholesome music coming frm old retired speakers which now compared to india is kinda awesome. I miss randomly walking up to yc sometimes just to see how things are running. I miss auntie anne's food. I miss the church office where i always refill for cold water :) and Rose's room where her speakers are LOUD! and her lazy chair..Wished i had that here now..:)

I miss my car
It may not have been an awesome expensive and luxurious car,but darn its the car that got me to where i wanted to be at. Dont need no autoshare(mode of transport in india) here. Miss those times where i was with abang in my car driving to college or back frm college. Well that ended so fast...

I miss Abang.
Sigh,I've been so attached to abang that i've decided to take 3 months break frm each other. It actually sounds like a break up.haha. Well,he had our rough times. But it doesnt seem to end. sigh..but I do miss abang like my own brother :'( poor neglected me..:(

I miss my friends
I miss going out with them. Our tcm sat or friday movie afternoon :) our badminton:)
our dinners? haha..but now everyone is separated.some going to nottingham,some in IMU,some going to UK,some to Indonesia..BUT NONE TO INDIA!!!! WHY??!?!

-JoshNg-

Welcome to India

2011-06-23T23:08:00.005+08:00

So it has been a while since i am in India..Seriously,getting tired of curry and rice already and the roti and the wadever la.I mean eating chicken rice everyday or char kuey teow also will get bored right? Sigh,anyway i have not settled down yet but a proper blog update will come about soon..

India india india...sigh..this place tests your patience. I have alot of patience..I believe I have. However,patience has it's limits. Also my ability to care has limits too..This place...seriously..

anyway..

New Beginnings

2011-06-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

So I'm leaving soon..Leaving KL to study what I've been dreaming and longing to study for the past 3 to 4 years and finally the time has come. India it is. UK,HK, and Singapore in short didnt work out for me. Sigh,I think one issue that's still bugging my mind is the name of my uni.NO! its a college. All my friends get english normal names with cool school badges/logo like Nottingham,Taylors,Monash, and NTU in Singapore.. I get the school with the indian girl name. Saveetha.. :( boo hoo...its usually the smallest details that matter the most.

Im leaving all alone with no friends with me. My friends will all be here in KL. It feels like someone kicked you out of bed while you are sleeping and locked you out of your own house..That feeling.yea..Yes i can make new friends. No doubt..bt new beginnings.

Well, for now anxiety, stress and fear are circling arnd me.. Cant be helped but yea. I fear I may lose contact with people here. I've seen many friendships turn sour or turn dull and that's not really cool. Dont wanna be that guy does that ''Hey how's things over there? How are you?'' and the conversation ends after we know how tings are over each other sides. The person that has been absent for a long time and wants to know.Its like there's a bridge between us and it used to be busy if not jammed with cars and buses and now its an empty bridge.A deserted highway.Sigh,some people that it can't really be helped. But really? seriously? is it predestined or by default that when you leave to another place or country for a long time,it is bound to happen? Aih aih ..but at least you'll know who are those who are really your friends..I also fear about being independent. I am independent but the thing about being out there 'alone' is you're bound to fall somehow someway sometime. right? well one way to look at that is when you do fall,you give your friends a chance to catch you...to break your fall..

Fear..i hope it's temporary...I'm not really ready to leave to soon. But I have to be. Don't have a choice.Rip of the bandage. No anesthetic..go hardcore.however cool it sounds.

-JoshNg-

I see the moon

2011-05-30T23:28:00.001+08:00

I see the moon

The moon sees me

The moon sees somebody I want to see

So,God bless the moon

and God bless me

God bless the somebody I want to see

It's a song.. :)

-JoshNg-

Give up.

2011-05-17T22:34:00.003+08:00

If life were a game of cards,I finished playing my cards. I've got nothing in my hands. I finally given up everything to God. So so so very tired of fighting with God. How stupid does that sound? am i even reading what am i typing? lol.. I want HK so bad ever since I knew I couldn't fund myself to UK after getting their offer( from both the uni's I wanted to go!). HK seems like the 2nd best after UK and following that,the last option,India. I'm not saying India is horrible or unacceptable its just what I want. I WANT TO STUDY IN UK! well,what I want isn't always good for me. So,its mid May and HK suppose to already reply me but they haven't. So,If i don't get it I'm just going to believe that HK by someway is not at all good for me. It is resolved...I'll wait for His timing..

and Abang,I've run out of cards to play too :( . which only means it's his turn. So I'll wait....patiently..

-JoshNg-

3rd May

2011-05-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

The very morning we argued and trashed everything out. Feels better now that we know each other's side of the story. The caterpillar and the butterfly is coming back together again :) well the caterpillar is building its cocoon soon..

Feel so childish now :P

-JoshNg-

Times like these

2011-04-26T12:45:00.004+08:00

Easter Sunrise service was awesome I guess, I didnt really see it from the audience's eyes..But i guess everything turned out pretty well :) thumbs up to Rose as well for all the hardwork and sleepless nights.

So next,I'm flying to Hong Kong for an interview. I really don't know what to hope anymore. Just surrender it to God and just go for the interview. Competition is crazy mad anyway.

Times of silence like these between us..puts everything to the test..sigh

I wanna start uni...

-JoshNg-

Water Runs Dry

2011-04-10T15:42:00.001+08:00

Very meaningful song..

We went swimming...how ironic,water :)

-JoshNg-

By My Side

2011-03-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

The caterpillar story..

2011-03-13T02:08:00.004+08:00

I like how we are honest with each other,

I tell it to your face and u tell it to my face,

and we're ok about it.

I like how ur Chinese educated and I'm English educated,

How we do things are sometimes different,

But it's still fine.

I like how I can predict ur body language, (which always is right :P)

And you take care of me,

Like my big brother.

I'm fine with your brain level,

Because everything I am,

You are 5 times more.

I like how we overlook each other's flaws,

Saying 'It's ok' and 'Don't worry about it',

Like nothing ever happened.

I like how we can keep silent,

Enjoy each other's company,

And have a great time.

I thank you for putting up with me,

Though I was unbearable for a period of time,

U still stuck to me.

So now I have my part to play,

What's the use of wings if you don't fly,

And beautiful wings to take flight you have.

I'll let go although its painful,

Because I know I will fly with you someday,

And that's a promise abang..

Sincerely,

-JoshNg-

*no its not meant to rhyme or be a poem,just the arrangement instead of an essay form

imu

2011-02-22T00:21:00.001+08:00

They shooked my hands and asks for my name. They tried to make a conversation out of thin air. I beared with them. Being nice and friendly whenever i could. I felt so welcomed like i belonged. However,it wasnt for long,till a point i wanted to tell them.'im nt enroling so stop treating me like im gonna study here'..there i was sending off my abang into medical school. Sigh,its a very painful sight and memory bt one musnt be selfish. I had my time.a rather short one.its time to let go. Just like flying a kite. So,abang i wish u all the best and i pray u will have the time of ur life in this 5 years and in everything that u put ur mind and heart to will bear fruit. I pray that u will be surrounded with good company and loyal trustworthy friends. Friends that are even better than me. And if u have time to spare,im alaways around.:(

-JoshNg-

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2011-02-21T00:18:00.001+08:00

The butterfly has broken out frm his shell,spread out its wings and left the tree branch.

Ill miss my abang.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

car ride

2011-02-01T22:57:00.001+08:00

I dont get to send abang home from college anymore..and i cant send him home from uni either..sigh :(

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

:(

2011-01-23T00:12:00.003+08:00

Once upon a time..there were 2 caterpillars and they were best friends. They were close. They played together,eat, and basically doing everything together. One day, one of the caterpillar felt sleepy and drowsy,so he decided to take a nap. So on he goes, stitching a layer of silk around himself hoping that no one will disturb him whilst he was resting. And he did rest. Fell into a deep slumber. When his best friend came back to see him, he was surprised yet sad because he could no longer talk or play to his friend anymore. He knocked on the layer enveloping his friend but there was no reply. So, lonely he became and he befriended the wind and the sun and the leaves. Finally,the shell cracked and behold,it was his best buddy. But,a changed person. They could no longer eat leaves together or play in the mud nor talk long walks together for his friend could now fly..

You feel it in your bones...tell yourself positive things..but a fraction of you tells you to be real.. But it's ok. It's really ok if im not there. A corner of the plate is more than I could ever ask for.

This is the starting of my greatest fear
i’m all packed up, getting out of here
but then you call and tell me not to go
that i’m the one who put the rock n roll
in your life

this is the starting of a brand new day
i never liked this town much anyway
i need this city like i need the rain
i know that somewhere there’s a north bound train

oh i’ll make it without you
and though my bodies laying here
it’s my mouth that must be lying now

this is the starting of my fall from grace
my self esteem, it’s seen better days
but you know i’ll never let this go to waste
i’ll keep this memory on the map i trace
back to home
my friends go out, but i’ve been staying in
i know i should but that’s the way it’s been
i never cared much for the taste of gin
i still don’t now, oh, but it’s been helpin

-JoshNg-

2011

2011-01-18T00:43:00.004+08:00

What a way to start the year of with,

fist clenching,
heart breaking,
head cracking,
mind tossing,
bones aching,
concentration lost...

Exams and also the reality of life..thou art who you were meant to be... a painful joy unfortunately...

To close the chapter behind me. A abrupt forced shut. There's not even a closing ceremony for the ongoing event. As if the wind just swept you with a fierce blade. A swipe so quick,you didnt have time to say your last words. In the events to come, Abang will always have a place in the new book. Close companions shall embellish the pages of the new book while hardship and trials shall be the like the very pen and paper that writes and keep the story going on.

-JoshNg-

2010.

2010-12-31T12:51:00.003+08:00

The song..explains it all..

Nothing goes as planned,
Everything will break.
People say goodbye.
In their own special way.

All that you rely on,
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning,
Will find you in the day.

Oh, you're in my veins,
And I cannot get you out.
Oh, you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth.
Oh, you run away,
Cause I am not what you found.
Oh, you're in my veins,
And I cannot get you out.

Everything will changed,
Nothing stays the same,
Nobody is perfect,
Oh, but everyone's to blame.

Everything is dark,
It's more than you can take
But you catch a glimpse of sunlight,
Shining, shining down on your face.

To a memorable 2010..cheers.

-JoshNg-

I wonder..

2010-12-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be or maybe be
Everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to pass and I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed, cause you are

Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you

Is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding
All my thoughts and dreams in hope that you will be with me or
Is this a moment to remember or just a cold day in December, I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed cause you are

Silence..

2010-12-11T01:30:00.000+08:00

Celebrate a Person

2010-12-01T01:09:00.003+08:00

How do you celebrate a person? I was posed with this question..

Well for me..most of the time when I celebrate a persons existence or appreciate someone..I give them my time. Don't need to do fancy stuff like movies,theme parks,trips to diff places,etc... It can be just casual dinner in a mamak or just hang out session by going to the persons house. Don't need to talk and make interesting conversations all the time. It's just enjoying the presence of your buddy... Learn this technique and you will learn to appreciate the people around you..=)

Haha..there.I answered the question.

Dear Brother.

2010-11-08T21:17:00.003+08:00

You are just like a brother to me. I can only wish the same for myself.

I don't care if you know my favourite food or drink. My favourite colour or shape. My favourite shop to eat or buy clothes. My favourite band or song. My favourite place to hang out.

All I need to know is that you know my heart. The things I believe in. The things I stand up for. The values I carry. The reason I do certain things certain ways. The way I live my life.

That's more than enough for me. The rest is just icing on a cake.

2010-11-07T02:00:00.001+08:00

Change

2010-11-05T15:06:00.002+08:00

'Time changes everything'

The quote is only partially true. Yes true with time,everything changes but no,time does not change anything. It only gives an avenue or a platform for change to occur. 2 years ago, I was making my way into the world of music. I was so enthusiastic about the whole mumbo jumbo and things happened along the way and I took a left turn into a mumbo jumbo of being a doctor. And now, dentistry. Not a very good testimony to any uni la. It show inconsistency and a indecisive mind. But oh well. Things changed and I'm sorry If I disappointed anyone and I'm sorry if I'm going to disappoint some of you in the future.

So I got the uni I wanted but I cant afford Dentistry..Am I willing to take a step back and take up Medicine? Should I? I don't know. I'm just not mentally sound to decide now.

Aih.. time..something I can't control..unfortunately

JoshNg

2010-11-02T22:17:00.003+08:00

I tried... I really tried. I put my heart and soul into it. I gave everything I have to offer. I tried.

Robbed.

2010-10-31T23:29:00.002+08:00

My car got robbed. Not that my car is stolen away frm me but my car,treated as a separate entity is robbed. After church I went to my car. It was quite dark by that time. I got it,and drove and when I came to this part of the street where there lights, i noticed that my drawer if you call it, was wide open and empty and next my coin tray was missing. Thank God they were blind enough to miss the rm200 badminton racket behind the back seat as it wasnt mine. Phew.. The thieves took my CD collection which has alot of original CD's in it. My whole collection gone.. and my shades which was quite expensive was taken away too. I should be angry at this scenario but surprisingly I'm not. Yea arnd 300 bugs worth of items are gone but,I'm quite ok with it. I think it's because I know the most valuable thing wasn't stolen. It's the experiences(no x-rated stuff k), conversations, and laughters exchanged in my car that's valuable to me. I fetch quite a number of ppl arnd like my Abang to college and dinner, little girl to badminton,poh to the LRT,etc...and these are the moments that I believe are far more memorable than any cd or expensive shades. So, IN YOUR FACE THIEVES!! You can't steal that. AND God Bless You With My Christian CD Collections!!! Hope to see you in Church one day!! and when you are ready to return it please do..

-JoshNg-

Dentistry

2010-10-18T20:20:00.002+08:00

So I've gotten an offer from this Uni that I really want to enroll in. However, the cost of it is erm lets just say impossible at the moment. I really want to got there.

And so emo Josh goes into depression thinking of the possibilities of this part onwards.Knowing Josh,he usually emphasize on the bad part of things which is what if I can't go there. And so Josh's friends tells him to pray. Isn't it pathetic that we go to God only when there is a problem? Once upon a time ago,Josh made it a point to look to God in the first place whenever there is a situation,minor or major or insignificant it is. And as time goes by,he got distracted and things just slip through his fingers. And so now Josh is at this point in life again. A place where he has been before. A place where he goes to God because it is the only source where he can get his solution to his problems. Sometimes,it feels as though Josh is taking God for granted and this is just not working right. He know's he's a sinner and he sins but....aih aih..

So God,I got the offer already..what next? =S

Safety Suit

2010-10-13T22:57:00.003+08:00

I think I'll be listening to Safety Suit for a while now.

I think about life
And oh how it changes so fast
And oh how its so hard to last here
Waiting for something to give

I think about time
A luxury so hard to find
And I just cant figure out why I
Wasted it all here without you

But I'll be fine
Oh dont you worry
Cause Ill be fine
See I'm in a hurry to be

Gone away awhile
Tell me all the things that I
Ill be missing here in this old life
Man cause I just dont know

I think about you
And all of the times that we shared
And oh what a wonderful pair we
Made it so far here we go again

I think about love
And oh what a beautiful song
And oh how it needs to be sung here
Sing it so loud all the world can hear
I think I'll be

Gone away awhile
Tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life
Man cause I just dont know

I just don't know
I just don't know

But I'll be fine
Oh dont you worry
Cause Ill be fine
See Im in no hurry
No I'll be fine
Oh dont you worry
Cause I'll be fine
See I'm in a hurry to be

Gone away awhile
Tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life
Man cause I just dont know

Its October now and in a few months,exams are coming and after that,Uni... It could be the end of a journey with my best partner in crime, abang as I always call him(in med school of course,I don't do crimes) or it could continue and we'll be studying together for another good solid 5 years. Abang has been a loyal and great friend for the past one and a half years studying together. As easy he is to read but he has a beautiful mind which sometimes makes me smile when I think of the peculiar regimes he follows in doing stuff. We share so many things in common(except an identical twin and advance brain power) and have similar stands in quite a number of grey areas. Also,when people walked away,he stood there for me.I was so blind to see the possibilities of this friendship as I was distracted with so many things.So many unimportant and petty things that used to weigh a lot. But now,I am truly grateful for a friend like him. There's also fiz,the guy with the desired genes of taylor laudner. Averaged height buff dude with the humour of the simpsons. As carefree and easy going as he can be,he's actually a really good listener and he really has a lot of considerably mind boggling perspective of life and many others. Then come his partner in crime,my childlike 'wife' so to speak. Young and scrawny as he can be,he has a humour that comes naturally as he mumbles his way thru every conversation. The thing that I envy him is his age. Always going out during class just to get tic tac and cincau,their acts in class never fails to spur up breaks of laughters. Our classmates dreamt of collaborating to open up a private practice one day when we are old. A private practice that has doc,dentists, and pharmacists. It's nice to dream sometimes. Really.

Coming back to education,if it were up to me,its pretty clear which path I would choose. But due to circumstances, my options are uncertain. I pray and plead to God and rest in whatever He lays before me. But deep down,I know what i want and I'm sure He knows. I'm at my wits end where I don't know what to do anymore. People tell me that the more God loves you(but of course,he doesn't love anybody more than another person),the more obstacles he put in front of you to shape you and to refine you. Another group of people then tell that impossible obstacles are placed in front of you to prove God's greatness.Another bunch of people than say,trust God but at the same time be practical about things. Then there goes another group saying faith without deeds is dead. Then somewhere along the lines,someone goes God will be with you wherever you go.

I really wonder what would become of me in a few weeks time. Time shows it all. I lost all my 'juice' to fight and strive for greatness. I choose not to resit my ielts not because of laziness,but because I don't have the drive anymore. UK universities that I apply to,I somehow doubt I'll get a spot. It's been that way for years in HELP. Nobody gets Dentistry frm UK. I'm not saying that I'm giving in but thats just me being realistic.I'm a realist after all. But for now, God know my heart and I just surrender completely whether or not I get what I want or not.

-JoshNg-

Simple Request

2010-10-08T00:51:00.002+08:00

My prayer is simple today. If it wasn't meant for me to enter the Uni that I want to go to. Let me not even get an offer letter.

2010-10-01T00:06:00.001+08:00

2010-09-29T22:42:00.004+08:00

Have you been let down by your parents before?

Here goes:

You'll never make it in UK even though you manage to study dentistry there. You might be the top here but the minute you go there, you'll be at the bottom of the food chain. You think you are that smart. You already struggle with your UPSR,PMR, SPM, and now A-levels. Go and graduate with first honors degree for me if you are that smart then. Please,you don't know how powerful europe,brits, and jewish(??) minds are. You go there, you'll struggle like hell and you'll be thankful you make it out alive or even graduate. You wanted to do music in the first place,thank God i stopped you. You were like fish our of water doing your grade 8 and you couldn't even finish your violin. You have talent but that doesn't make you any different from anybody else.

I have only one thing to say to them...and it's not very nice.

They shouldn't have meddled with my choices. Now I suffer because of their choices and their mistakes. I can't do this, can't apply there, can't go there, can't go here, and so many more bull from them. Whose fault is it? Mine? really,what did i do? get A's and good results? Aim high as they told me too? Bury my passion and choose another profession just because they said so? What am I to do? Rebel and end up sweeping rubbish by the roadside as a permanent job? I don't really have a choice here do I? Whatever I do I have to follow whatever shit you say because If I don't you just won't support me financially. Yea..great..blackmailing. And now I don't get to choose the uni I want to go to and it's not even the best in the whole freaking world just because you think India is better. To Hell with what you think and NO the uni in India you're planning to send me to is crap! you don't even know anything about that uni and you promote it as if its the best place to be. You don't even know where is it.You don't even know what system are they following. For goodness sakes you know nothing of it. You say you are sad and disappointed because the child you raised cannot comply to your wishes. OH WOW!! guess how disappointed am I as I suffer because of every action you decide on my life and the action you made on your life.I'm being unreasonable? Guess who's unreasonable now. I dare you to tell me that everything I said is false. I DARE YOU.

Seriously.

Chase..

2010-09-19T20:45:00.003+08:00

It took you 18 years for you to instill in me the drive to strive for excellence and to aim high above the clouds towards the stars and yea I did what you said.

It took you one day to tell me to keep my hopes and dreams to myself. And i should follow what you say?

Its a excruciating bitter bleed in your heart when you know you've got to stop chasing your dream.

Long Day

2010-09-09T00:02:00.004+08:00

It's been a long day and it's really not advisable to spend my time here blogging. Full day frm 6 till 4 and then meeting at church at night. till 11pm. Sigh. I'm really drained and tired. Exhausted of my own resources. My fuel has completely run dry and this seems to be the events of my life..tired. When I see my results I really question myself. What in the world are you doing? Applying to top notch universities in UK which requires so much and you're giving them crappy results that you yourself don't even smile upon. What is wrong with you? Aim high but it doesn't show in your results. Trying to compete with other people when clearly your best just doesn't cut it. I looked at my chemistry and physics and maths I just want to vomit blood. 20 objective questions and I got 11 wrong! UKCAT results are also bad.What the hell are you doing in the exam hall! Have I not studied enough? Have I not done enough practice questions? Have I not memorized all the template answers? Have I not done more than enough that I should get results that average students get!! I'm a top achiever! I get A's and full marks all my life and excelled in my academics without a doubt. I'd do anything to ensure an A but seriously what happened? I don't believe in doing your best because doing your best isn't just enough of a reason to ensure you where you want to go. If your best is a B+, it still doesn't give you a spot in a university. Don't comfort me with that line coz it just doesn't work anymore. Sandwich principle? sighness. Now I have to resit 3 papers and they are heavy papers. Yes I am angry and frustrated at myself and so i have myself to blame for this right? It's all my own doing. I may be kind and compassionate but there's a earthquake within so please don't ever take me for a fool and think I overlook everything coz I don't. Don't push the line.

Right now, I'm really really really angry and frustrated. If God could just like pretend I'm not existing now for 5 minutes, I will curse and break things around me till the 5 minutes is up. But obviously that won't happen. SO learn control!

Thank You.

2010-08-30T00:05:00.003+08:00

Last week, I had the chance to shadow a practicing dentist near my college and I must say I've been truly blessed by this stranger. At first, he was just an avenue to gain an upper hand when I send in those university applications. But as I spent time with him,he just knocked me to my knees to make me open my eyes. He taught me a number of lessons which I know I will treasure. These lessons he had to learn it the hard way and he's more than happy to pass it down to anyone really. It was suppose to be one day then he invited me to come on the following and then it lasted for 4 days. That's really a hand extended out to you considering he's doing it for free. Plus he bought Haran and I lunch!

I remember stepping into the surgical room with him the first day. It was scary at first only because I didn't knew anyone and what to do but he talked and I talked and by the end of the day we talked! haha. Doesn't make sense I know..Haha. He was stern yet compassionate. A warm combination that makes one comfortable to be around. There was this look in his eyes that just tells me he knows what he's doing and he knows what he's saying. He told me some of his university experiences and it was quite an exposure already. He also shared with me his principles in life and stands and standards he maintains in his practice. So so so blessed. Can't wait for my hospital attachment next. =)

So thank you doctor and I'll be seeing you around for lunch for the following months dentist =)

But above all,thank you God sending someone to bless me. Yes you have answered my prayers in a way that I didn't think of.=) It's really been a long time since I thanked God for anything and I plead guilty for that. But really,thank you for this and everything else you have poured out for me. All the mishaps and frustrations in life which occurs more than usual has actually been a blessing in disguise. It has taught me alot. :)

-JoshNg-

Mad world

2010-08-26T22:46:00.003+08:00

The mental preparation and the fight is hard. You think you've got it all together today. The next minute it dissolves away without you noticing it. Just like how waves scoop sandcastles by the seashore. It is hard. You keep switching between both worlds till you don't know which is the one.

-JoshNg-

A Loss.

2010-08-15T23:14:00.003+08:00

Talking of the end of life seemed to be it. Talking till morning came to gently remind me of the minutes left. Covering all that I see with the sands of time. Regret still fills the air but calmly it tells me it's ok and perfectly fine. I laughed contentment and joy for I was delighting in the very moment of our presence. You know the song of the long lost because we're running in circles and coming back again. Joy shriveled as time goes by and I knew it would go away. But I had my chance. I had my turn. I had my piece of it. When it went away, I warmed my heart in attempt to hide the pain I feel hoping that I wouldn't feel so lost. I went on like how cold hands come to a fire and finally gave a breathe as if exhaling every fragment of disappointment and grieve there was into the air. Like mist it dissolved in the cool misty night sky. That was it.

A loss is still a loss in the end no matter how you try to cover it up or try to comfort yourself that it's not your fault..A Loss is Still a Loss and yes we get to be upset and sad and depressed about it. Think of how a rusty anchor would wall in the the abyss of the ocean without it's attachment. Let is fall in so deep you get lost by it. Do what you want about it. Let it soak in and let it crush your soul into bits of glass. But when it's time to move on,just let it go. Nothing will ever last in this world.... Just gotta let it go...

When it comes around again. Look at it and know you have been through it and it's going to be better.

-JoshNg-

UK

2010-08-10T01:27:00.002+08:00

On another note..I'm applying to UK for my dentistry. Yeap I have decided to boikot medicine and take up dentistry. GOSH!! the placements are really horrible.. It's like 4 places for international students only for one Uni. There's very very very limited placement for international students like me. Don't know how I'm suppose to compete with the world but hey I believe I can and I will. At least I can say I tried and I did my best. And If I get in yay praise the Lord for his blessings and if I don't get it then life goes on.

So now it's like dancing in a dark. You know your steps but you don't know whether you're gonna hit a wall or a chair or slip and fall in a hole or something... =)

-JoshNg-

The Luckiest

2010-08-10T00:24:00.002+08:00

So I was asked to clear my room. Spring cleaning. So started with my books. I realise that everyone throws away all their books and exam papers once it's done. Well, not for me i guess. I went thru my books frm primary till my form 5. So I was flipping thru and I could feel every moment come to pass in my head. Events that happen in each year. But then life was so much simpler then. For me it was all about getting the A's and yea I think I manged to do it quite well but everything else was put aside. That's not how is't suppose to be..Aih...a bit sakit hati pulak coz I had to throw them all away. Felt like I was clearing my head. The same feeling when I had to delete all my messages on my phone. Memories just go poof!! haha. I guess

Going Langkawi tmr. Excited yet tired much. But i'm just gonna go there and enjoy myself and forget about everything else. Yeap..that the plan and me likey the plan. It is a good day to be impromptu. No planning,no instructions, no do 's and don't's and just be free. Do what you want to do(with a rational mind of course)

Enjoy this..Me hav enjoyed it =)

-JoshNg-

To Know...

2010-07-23T15:29:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it is better not to know..because it is for the best? But which would hurt more? Not knowing or knowing the brutal truth. At least knowing the reason would help because we'd know what the reason was and we'd be able to do something about it if time allows.But knowing the truth might hurt so much that not know would have been awfully better. A friend once said..Be grateful that it even happened... Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

So would you rather know or not know at all?

Being Loved

2010-07-19T16:45:00.004+08:00

My uncle's puppies are so cute. They are just fresh from the oven about 1 month now. They are so cute and chubby..The size of a fatter 6 foot long subway sandwich they just started to learn how to walk and when they walk,their bellies still touch the ground.The younger ones are still swimming on the ground...haha. Bunch of cuties. They are so dependent on their mother or in this case us the owners as they should be. They got no teeth yet so when you're near them,they chew on your toes! It's a massaging effect.haha...They lick your hands and when you cuddle them in your arms,they fall into a deep sleep. Those cute puffy balls get scared when a storm comes and they get cold and start peeing around...how odd..haha. Lately,they started yapping..So cute!! and now with their eyes opened,they play with each other..biting ears,climbing on each other,climbing up and down stairs,and fight for milk. Whenever you're in the room,they sense you when they are not asleep and come to you straight away without you calling for them... For a moment you feel so loved. Someone(doggie) wants to be near you..wants to be cuddled by you..wants to sleep beside you..wanna chew your clothes and your toes and lick your fingers..wanna call you out because they want to eat with you..or rather wanna eat something by themselves...ahhaha...

Something just came to me today..a simple message.Imagine,I could feel so loved by puppies who can't even speak my language and don't even look like me. Felt so loved and accepted after a while now... How your closest friends fail you and yet dogs are so loyal.No wonder the idiom, man's best friend. If a dog could make you feel this way...A human will make you feel MORE (says those who are in love)..So..imagine what amount of Love God could give you!! the things he created.He IS love...Humans and animals could give you only that much..but my God can give me so much more!!! think about it =) but his love comes with a price..that you turn away from your evil doings and follow him. Such love... =)

-JoshNg-

Row your Boat

2010-07-18T02:23:00.003+08:00

Did you know that Row,row,row your boat has a deeper meaning to it?

We've probably heard this a thousand and one times..Memorized it even. Well,this is what wikipedia says,I'm too lazy to explain.

Row, row, row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,

Life is but a dream.

The lyrics have often been used as a metaphor for life's difficult choices, and many see the boat as referring to one's self or a group with which one identifies.^[2] Rowing is a skillful, if tedious, practice that takes perfection but also directs the vessel.^[3] When sung as a group, the act of rowingbecomes a unifier, as oars must be in sync in a rowboat. The idea that man travels along a certain stream suggests boundaries in the path of choices and in free will.^[4] The third line recommends that challenges should be greeted in stride while open to joy with a smile.^[5] The final line, "life is but a dream", is perhaps the most meaningful. With a religious point of view, life and thephysical plane may be regarded as having equivalent value as that of a dream, such that troubles are seen in the context of a lesser reality once one has awakened.^[6] Conversely, the line can just as equally convey nihilist sentiments on the meaninglessness of man's actions.

-JoshNg-

Repo Man

2010-07-16T00:11:00.004+08:00

I love watching movies at my uncle's..He has lots of movies which I don't know and have not seen before. So today he picked(as usual) and so we watched The Repossession Man aka The Repo Man staring Jude Law. It's basically about the future when ppl can actually buy organs.These are artificial organs of course and yeap it costs A LOT. So there's this company called THE UNION who sells these organs. When you wanna buy/apply for one you need to be able to pay within a certain period of time.If not, they have a team of guys who will come to you and collect the organs back. So they go scanning the city for ppl whose payment is overdue and they knock you down and like perform ''on the spot surgery'' on you,take the organ back,scan the serial number, and leave you there to die. Well, some might say it's cruel but hey you knew it would come if you couldn't pay right. So this guy,Remy and his best buddy were really good at collecting the goods back till one day Remy had to quit if not he'll lose his wife and family. So his last mission was to collect the heart from his favorite artist. To cut the long story short,his heart got injured on the way and he was left unconscious. When he woke up, he had the artificial organ in him and the company managed to persuade him to keep it. Not being able to pay, he then gets hunted down by his ex fellow team mates. On the way he found this girl who had fake eye,vocal chords,knee,and kidney...which he fell in love in. Ran and hide themselves for quite sometime till they were found.

So the buddy and him fought la...Shoot here and there. Punch here and there. But Remy escaped and decided to go back to the company to destroy the database so that no one needs to die anymore.And all the action kickstarts..knife throwing kung fu action kicking in here and there..and he finally did it. Story ends with him with his GF and Buddy which he got back with at the beach coz they finally realised that what they were doing was wrong all the while.The cruelty they did.=) Happy ending? Think again...it had a twist to it which I thought was really brilliant..Haha..go watch it..It's awesome

Imagine this could be a branch out of the medical line.Instead of medical students graduating to be just either a surgeon or a general practitioner, they could do this job of collecting organs back..It's different coz they need to fight and use weapons to seize and knock their ''patients'' down. Then they have to perform surgery to take the organ back...Quite fun heh... =)

-JoshNg-

*caution..it might be quite disturbing for some of you*

Inside the tummy

2010-07-15T00:49:00.002+08:00

Did I mention? The doctor gave us a DVD of the operation. Being the only one in the family interested enough to watch it without giving out sound effects like ewwww...ahhhh...ouch....etc...I watched it last night or rather morning at 1.00am since I had nothing better to do at that time. So I put the DVD on lo and behold there was no sound. As in there was not meant to be any sound. SO i was listening to my itouch while watching if not it would be too boring. So basically what I was watching was through the eye of the camera inside the tummy. They didnt cut the tummy open but poke valves into diff spots of the tummy and put their gadgets inside. They had one that looked like a mini Doc Octopus hands frm Spiderman. There's one that clips the veins or arteries so you can cut it. there's on that looks like a pair of tongs..and he most famous one the SCIZZORS. He used that very little.. Ooo..and there's this one thing that looks like captain hook's hook. What it does is that it heats up and will '''burn'' off tissues. Of course you can control the temp i guess..

So the Doc puts in the tongs..lifts up the liver and there it was the gall bladder or maybe it was just some sack with the stone inside. Poked around here and there to examine the area.. Then he starts tearing layers of epithelial tissues and fat tissues surrounding an artery leading to it. Quite interesting or some might say gross. He was tearing the tissues like how your mommy would tear fats from a chicken bought back frm the market. Really you thaw your chicken frm the freezer and then take your fingers and start tearing the chicken meat apart..That was what it looked like..haha... And I saw blood..thick blood flowing out from those arteries. O how TV has destroyed the beauty of blood. Blood on TV looks like ketchup. But real blood looks like ketchup but a lil transparent and it's shinny ok. And it flows not like water..it flows with the texture of a lil corn starch solution..only a lil....

Oooo..now comes the best part. Remember the tool that heats up...yea so he was using it to literally burn of the tissues connecting the sack and the floor bed of erm...the stomach?? Haha..So he was burning and burning and burning...*there's no fire just some white smoke and the tissue turns yellow and then a lil black. I tell you there was like a barbeque session in there..haha...Quite cool leh..and this is just a minor procedure only leh.. So fun!!!! =)

Today was a very calm day. Everyone came to college complaining about the full schedule we have...8 hours straight back to back action with only 30min break in between plus its all the subjects we took..Mechanics 1,C4 maths,Bio,Chem, and Phy. But somehow for me everything was very calm. Things came and go as it came and go. Didn't feel stressed or burdened or anything. Temperature was cool and the weather was just nice. It flowed nicely. Class ended,went home to rest. Set the alarm at 7.30 to make it in time for Prayer Meeting and I did wake up at 7.30 feeling refreshed. Went to Prayer meeting and got refreshed summore. Came home bathed and started doing homework. All my answers are correct except for chem which I don't know how to do. Washed my pants and hung it outside. Made coffee which was just nice...not too sweet yet not to KAW! Sat down on my computer and started checking my mail,facebook and my blog...Everything just felt very flowy today..=)

Thank You God for such a beautiful orchestrated day

*sry if it sounded too informative*

-JoshNg-

Which one?

2010-07-14T00:14:00.004+08:00

UN is the worst club ever in HELP. They are like a vacuum cleaner taking your money away from you forcefully. Every event they organize fails and to cover up for that they force the members to come and usually that involves you paying alot. Even those tshirts they made for Earth Day.Gosh they force us to buy one for ourselves and we have to sell at least 10 i think if not you have to pay for the 10. Same goes to the latest one. Pay 50 for your own and sell 5 more tickets or not you're paying for the 5 ticket. It's for charity it seems. Not even Half of it is going to charity. GOSH!! Makes me so angry. And now they are threatening to dis-member me after 2 semesters when I need my certs for Uni applications now! New policy it seems..Seriously...some people

Anyway,Mommy had a operation 2 days ago at Subang Jaya Medical(Sime Darby medical center).It went smoothly. It was to remove the stone at the gall bladder. 3cm in diameter it was. Huge!! When I went to visit, Doc put the stone in a container and left it on the counter. I shake shake shake shake and it went *like how a actually stone would sound*... Haha.Funny..After 1 or 2 hours, Doc(Dr.Cha) came in to check on her. A fair skinned,average height smart looking doctor but with the attributes of a typical china man walked into the room. That's the man mom said that he looks young. Not a specialist but a general surgeon recommended by Datuk. He came and did the usual..Checked blood pressure,the drip,if there are signs of nausea, vomiting, or gastric... Then he looked at her and smiled holding the container with the stone in the hand saying,''Here's your stone..I tried my best to blast it but it's just not possible..*takes a breath*..I'm afraid I'll spoil my instruments.'' = =!! Yeap...so thats it. 2 hours in an operating theater and there goes 10k. No wonder ppl say its a very rewarding profession.

There I had a chance to take a walk down the empty halls of the hospital as if i was looking into my future which I have no idea how it would turn out. Seriously I don't know. I went downstairs and I saw an intern with his green scrubs and a white coat identical to my lab coat. My heart felt alot..curious,anxious,happy,excited,sad. At that point, I wanted to go up to him and asked him the one question I can't answer.How'd you know this is all you wanted to be.All you wanted to do your whole life. But,judging from how he spoke and his character...I think I'd better not get an answer from this guy..seriously the language and the way he brought himself about...tsk tsk tsk. I should probably pray more about it and go for my hospital attachment to find out myself.

So would it be

Or would it be neither?

My God knows that neither of these are my first choices. But he lead me here. So...I'll wait for him to carry me to the next part of it...

-JoshNg-

Redox

2010-07-05T23:22:00.003+08:00

So class started today. So what biggie? not like life just started? It started 19 years ago(for me). So what's redox reactions all about. Redox reaction is a reaction whereby reduction and oxidation takes place simultaneously and involves the transfer of electrons from one species to another. So this is it...It's my last semester. After this year,everyone's going separate paths. The path less taken or most commonly taken but still a path none the less. This semester is where you either make or break it. I've come to a point where I myself don't know what I want. My medicine and my dentistry and my music and my optometrist are really confusing me.Have to apply for Uni's now and I haven't made up my mind. Bummer...

Helped out at Open Day on Sunday..One parent came and asked for a tour around the campus and we chit chated a lil. The son was quite confident that chemistry is easy. Well,I thought it was easy and now I'm coughing blood at my chemistry paper..haha. Figuratively that is.

So for Mechanics 1/statistics 2...I guess Mechanics seem to be the choice of the semester.

So at home,everyone's out...Parents are in Peneng along with sister to enjoy life before mom goes in for a minor operation but an operation none the less. Ohh, a sms came in saying they decided to drive to cameron and somewhere else...tsk tsk tsk..So it's time to switch on independent little boy mode to the max!! Oh well, I can/have been doing it/capable of doing it..just not enough stamina/energy. I get tired too easily or maybe it's just because I don't rest well enough. Just 2 classes and I went from hero to zero by the time I reach my car. =(

-JoshNg-

Toy Story 3.

2010-07-02T23:44:00.002+08:00

I WANT TO WATCH TOYS STORY 3!!!

That aside,I miss my buddy...aih... I wanna talk to him... and I will....try

-JoshNg-

Rain

2010-06-21T11:40:00.000+08:00

This is really good. =)

-JoshNg-

Life Without It's Brakes

2010-06-20T22:58:00.005+08:00

It's scary driving without brakes. Just just now, my/our trusty old volvo 940 that has been with me/us since my primary days. It's my family's ''prize possession'' so much so that even during the recession,we didn't even consider selling it to ease off the financial burden.. Anyway coming back to the brakes, it wasnt working!!! when u press the brakes ''air'' sound comes out..so the pressure's there but i dunu my dad said like some hydraulics is ''leaking/has a hole/puncture/etc'' sooo at that point, driving at 30km/h was really scary and were from Kota Damansara near 1U till back home(sungai besi)(between salak south and cheras)..It's quite far la. Imagine that,''driving at 30km/h is scary! ''So the brakes wasn't working.It couldn't stop the car..or rather it cannot stop the car so we had to use several techniques...which worked!Amen.

1. Don't speed

2.Hazard lights

3. Avoid traffic lights so more highways and use the left lane of the left lane.

4.when going up or down slope,use gear 2 (car's auto btw)

5.If still too fast,use gear one

6.Use handbrake to stop the car, but car must be slow enough if not damage the gearbox

7. KEEP HITTING THE NON WORKING BRAKES!!! as it slows down the car a lil.

8. Listen to some soothing songs to chill..That's what I'll do now that I have my instrument of emo..Itouch!!

9.This should be step number one...PRAY..

10.This should be step number two..call a mechanic but unfortunately it was too late for my case.

Aih,but scary indeed..some drivers were stupid enough to try and overtake us when we're in the emergency lane. Like What?!?!? Guess these drivers bribed for their license.just an assumption..aih aih aih ..

Well then,same goes to life....It's nice and easy when we're going all out and all your 'friends' and friends are by your side. But when you realize you need to use those brakes and you don't have it or if it doesn't work,U'll crash into a heap of crap the world throws at you. The world is waiting for you to crash all the time btw if you didn't notice.So what happens after that? You pick urself up slowly and eventually try to breathe again. Well, all I can say is the road to recovery is not easy but it makes you a better/stronger person. If you actually learnt your lesson that is...So I am glad to say that I have changed.I'm not the same person a month ago. Yeap,I changed..for better or for worse? you find out...My heart is at peace so I'm fine with it...Had a long yet discontinuous chat with God and I have learnt my lesson with humility intact.

And for my birthday I asked God for a gift..Nope it wasn't a billion bugs to further my studies in UK in Dentistry(that would be ideal but no)..Not a million buddies to hang out with,One is enough(why the extra unnecessary attention when it is not genuine)..Not health(die then go heaven la.Don't see the bad side of it)..not time too(why go back to the past)...I asked God for a word..I asked God to give me something that He knows/believes that I need it right now... and I think I got it...

Enjoy...

-JoshNg-

Don't assume.

!!!!

2010-06-20T13:16:00.001+08:00

No more...not any more. You won't see that from me anymore.

-JoshNg-

Exam number 1

2010-06-15T16:55:00.002+08:00

So maths is over..the only reason im online now is because i need to check the answer scheme for my bio mock. Obviously I got distracted..So maths was predictable yet unsolvable. Some say at least you did your best. But sometimes,being your best isn't enough... You just know it but yet you still comfort yourself..aih...ohkays..study time...

*if anyone needs the mock bio scheme,do sms me.I'll send it to you..You have till..erm tomorrows exam.All the Best.*

-JoshNg-

Violin..

2010-06-14T02:27:00.001+08:00

OOO..I likey this..very eggciting.. =) It's a medly of Lady gaga's telephone,kesha's blah blah blah and ushers omg with violins...=)

-JoshNg-

Moments

2010-06-08T02:35:00.002+08:00

I'm so so so so so sad right now. Why am I sad? Because I had to terminate my phone(w910i) with my own hands. It's a horrible feeling..crappy feeling.. All the messages and wishes,emo moments with my best friends,happy moments,planning moments,angry moments,sorry moments,worship team message moments,singapore moments, mischievous moments,Haran moments,peneng moments,exam moments,evil moments are all deleted. All GONE!! Feel like a loser now.. =(

This is how it all happened....

I was typing a message to Yan Le then my phone popped up something saying something like, ''....delete...memory almost full...'' I sent the message and then went to inbox to try to delete old messages then. The it popped up,'' ...Operation Failed..'' like What??? What do you mean by OPERATION FAILED??!?!?!...The next thing you know, I can't view any of my messages. None...NADA!! So i went on9 to troubleshoot and the only thing to do is to system restore the phone and it did mention that all messages will not be saved. Aih...this is sad...So now my phone is empty...like empty....like really empty...like square one...like when you just bought your phone..like all your messages gone...like having amnesia.. like brain cells just got whacked off...like you deleted your own history that you wanted to keep..you noe..

And the best part is..

you did it yourself...

So friends if you so happen to read this...Do message me. Fill my phone with memories again...

-JoshNg-

Sad sad boy now...

Colours

2010-05-30T19:34:00.004+08:00

We grow because we struggle,we learn and overcome.

Hafiz can really be a good friend in need when you need him to be and I always forget that he's older than us in our class. He's one year older and he fits in with the younger ones. I guess he's already seasoned. It's funny(actually it's not) how sometimes we figure we're on top of things and that we are in control of who we are. We are sure and confident of how we work. Our routines,taboo,limits,standards, etc... Well the next minute, you lost it all and you don't know how did it happen? Where it went too? etc... But I think all this is due to exam stress...Oh exam..how I love you with inverted comma'z..There,one mark gone for spelling mistakes. 2 marks gone for now using this sentence. 4 marks gone for not putting the points in a sentence with comparisons. No marks awarded when formula not defined first...

On another note, I concluded that I have been trying too hard to keep things in order the way i hope it would be. I mean it's fine to do that but I have been trying too hard. This 2 weeks feels like rehab. And so I'll let things go again and just relax..

It is true what Hafiz said, Life is Full of Colours..Good and Bad colours...

Either one

2010-05-21T02:15:00.005+08:00

''Nice Guys always finish last''... Who made that up? That's like some kind of scarlet letter if that's who you are. What nonsense

I'm looking for something more than this that society has made everyone think is more than the usual. This is just not how it's suppose to be...

-JoshNg-

Sinner

2010-05-21T02:13:00.001+08:00

O Joshua Ng you're such a sinner..you suppose to study today but instead u slept for 4 hours during study time...aih aih aih

-JoshNg-

Still

2010-05-16T19:08:00.003+08:00

So..Happy Birthday Wai Hong..don't go messing around since your're legal now..hahaha..protect your ego abit..=)

It's nice meeting old friends again after a long while. I miss them..heheh..=) A time or a place where I don't have to try. don't have to initiate.don't have to force it out. Feels like what it suppose to feel.

I am a nice person. No,I don't just tend to be kind because, I am kind(altho I seem morbid and sarcastic). I have learnt to look pass people's faults and misconducts because in spite everything,I know they meant well.

But to be treated like that,it just puts me off..I am the one to say it's ok most of the time. I compromise.I'm lenient.I try. I initiate. I look pass it all. I forgive not because I'm better person in the picture and not because I can. So don't just deliberately walk over me. No I'm not angry.No I'm not complaining and no,I'm not demanding.It's just... my arms are/has always been open wide. Don't make me shut it....

-JoshNg-

A Mother's Love

2010-05-09T21:06:00.003+08:00

It's Mother's Day today..Didn't really did anything special today.Well, we should be celebrating Mother's Day everyday...=) She know's me and I know her =) That's all that matters. I may never be the best son to have but I'll do my best =) I wish I could write beautiful songs like these.. Well,for now I promise I well disect properly??? lol

Also,Exam is on tuesday. It's so hard to kick in the studious side of me.It feels like I've been studying for a long long time already. Reading back the pass units has not been easy. Tough time reading..but oh well.life goes on.. So I'll head back to studying..see you after my exams are over...

Till then...let the games begin =)

-JoshNg-

BREATHE IN AND BREATHE OUT!!!!!

2010-05-03T15:22:00.001+08:00

BREATHE IN AND BREATHE OUT!!!!!

What must be done must be done...

2010-04-29T20:52:00.003+08:00

Today I went in the room. I stared at the physics paper. I was staring at it because I didnt know how to do it. Left so many questions blank... Funny thing is, I was so prepared for it. I studied for 7 hours at home + 2 hours at college. Yea it's so funny that A-levels students are labeled for not having a life. Yea...I don't have a life because I'm trying to get good results in my exam. Now aint that right? Sometimes people should really think before they speak...A-levels is not easy. Since when it was. It's one of the hardest pre U studies around. And smart students struggle too okay. Smart students are smart because they took time and effort to study. Get it..it takes time and effort to study. So now I need to go and study because I know I just failed my physics paper. Have not revised my maths and statistics. Have not started Chemistry. And thank you to my wonderful lecturer who always ends ON TIME, I can't study for my practical exams. Well, coz class is next week and the week after that is the practical exams...Alot time?....hardly.

And to my highschool friends, I'm so sorry for always not being available. You guys must have been tired of all my excuses..church,school,exam,etc..but trust me It is true when I say I can't make it.For example, I can't go out this sat to celebrate Amanda Yong's birthday..Exams are really close and I really need to study again and again. So Happy Birthday girl and God Bless your dear heart sister..=) I will make it up to all of you one day.....aih aih aih ...one day..

-study-

Memory.

2010-04-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

I'd wouldn't mind having photographic memory...=)

Amen..=)

Stand..

2010-04-13T23:56:00.004+08:00

You know in life, there's bound to be mountains,giants,valleys,obstacles,etc... to face. Well, for me,I always resolve it by ignoring it. Trust me, I'm good at it. But the thing is, it never gets resolved to it will continue to accumulate and hit you in the face again..and again. You might have the strength/audacity to ignore it again but trust me it WILL come back again harder and stronger. But over the years, I have learnt and understood that it is not the way to go. God has made you a conquerer..the head not the tail..etc you'll find it all over the bible. (It's just like bio exams. Question asked and we answer based on a template..it's always the same thing.) It has already been proclaimed over you. Might sound cliche but we are the ones that's standing in out own way. If God wants to give you something, he WILL give it to you,maybe not in the way we expected but it will be given to us somehow... It is true people..I'm rambling now. I pray God grants me the will to study...Feel the urge to venture into something different this year...before it ends..it's april man..

-JoshNg-

Elmo's Song...

2010-04-12T23:20:00.003+08:00

I just had a realisation just now. Got freaked out by it but now I'm relieved. Well, I always knew Jim Brickman did work in Sesame Street before doing all those kiddy cute sountracks/sounds. Till recently only it occurred to me that He could have composed Elmo's Song. It's like NOOOOOOOOO!!! I don't like elmo's song and I really like Jim Brickman...

I have already checked and he's not associated to Elmo's song whatsoever..phew..=)

Hookays...back to studying...viruses are dead but they are alive...

-JoshNg-

2010-04-06T17:17:00.003+08:00

I wrote a really really really looooooooong post and just deleted it. Figured it wouldn't really look/sound nice for my blog...All I can say for today is Zhong Sek Heng Yao . Don't know what is it? Go find out...

Pulled away...

2010-03-21T20:08:00.004+08:00

In this world where there are so many uncertainties, His faithfulness is something I can hold on too when you're hanging by a thread...enjoy.

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

-JoshNg-

Stop

2010-03-17T02:13:00.003+08:00

Today, I looked the the calender and it says 17th of March. I mean like..NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! CANNOT!!

Aih..what to do..One more month to complete the syllabus? Not enough time. One month to revise unit 1,2,3, and 4. It is not possible.. This semester is so short. Have to start revising the other units now.I just got my results last week!Have to stop going out on Saturdays and Sundays..Stop Stop STOP!!

-JoshNg-

More in Less

2010-03-12T00:18:00.004+08:00

It's results day. I did pretty ok. For unit 1 and 2 everything is an ''A''. All glory to God and thank God as well for bringing me this far. I seriously didn't think I could make it. Whoever that said A-levels is easy I kasi hantam satu at the face I tell you...Aih. It was good feeling at first till we actually took a good look at our results. Yeah you got an A but you still have to resit the paper because it was a weak A. Also after looking at my raw marks...aih everything else looks like a lie. How to become a dentist like that! and yes I am going to resit my physics 2 and probably a few more. 103 marks out of 120 is not good! Even those who didn't get straight A's did better than me..Heard of this before? There's more bad news in the good news. Heartbreaking yet a relieve to know where you stand..Can breathe better now...

But regardless of what happened...I'll continue to put my best in the remaining 16 units(4 units x 4 subjects = 16units) and still thank God for his blessings! So,cheers for a brighter tomorrow...and enjoy the song.

If tonight is your last train out of here
How you gonna run like that? How you gonna run like that?
If this one life, one love left here to share
How you gonna turn your back? How you gonna turn your back?

And I don't care if everyone knows what we're going through
'Cause all the roads lead back to you

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy

If there's one thing that I need to hear from you
Is how we gonna see this through, how we gonna see this through
If there's one thing that I know to be true
Is that I'm in love with you, is that I'm in love with you

And I don't care if everyone knows what we're going through
'Cause all the roads lead back to you

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy

And we'll keep on, keep on climbing on down this narrow line
So we can see the other side, the other side

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy, goes down easy
Goes down easy, goes down easy, goes down easy

-JoshNg-

By Your Side

2010-03-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

Very uplifting song..maybe just what I needed. =)

-JoshNg-

Never Be Ready...

2010-03-06T21:25:00.002+08:00

We've got our feet on the wire, talking 'bout flying
Maybe we're diving in over our heads
Scared of what I'm feeling
Staring at the ceiling here tonight

Come on lay down these arms, all our best defenses
We're taking our chances here on the run
The fear is an anchor, time is a stranger
Love isn't borrowed, we aren't promised tomorrow

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting
For the perfect time to come
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready

Where we don't know, though we can't see
Just walk on down this road with me
Won't be steady, never be ready

You're okay, you're with me here in the silence
With all of the violence crashing around
Saying we can't go, saying we don't know
This road that is narrow is the one we should follow

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting
For the perfect time to come
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready

Where we don't know, though we can't see
Just walk on down this road with me
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready

Steady my hands, this one can turn around
Steady my heart, it's beating faster
Steady my hands, this one can turn around
Steady my heart, it's beating faster, beating faster now

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting
For the perfect time to come
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready

Where we don't know, though we can't see
Just walk on down this road with me
Won't be steady, never be ready

Won't be steady, never be ready
Won't be steady, we'll never be ready
Won't be steady, never be ready

-JoshNg-

Won't Back Down

2010-03-03T16:20:00.001+08:00

You woke the morning up
Running off my darkest night
The longest fight I've seen

And here goes a chance I know
Cashing in on all my chips
Let all my ships come fly

These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of these ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And your light, found my bottle in the night
Gave me second life, you kept me in this fight

And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid ground

And you found me once and for all
I laid it down in the sinking ground
The hopeless undertow

Singing out the gentle sound
Rattling through my smoking screens
My broken dreams last night

And these days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of these ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And all of your light, found my bottle in the night
You kept in this fight, you gave me second life

And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid ground

And I sing hallelujah ripped through my veins
I heard the hammer drop
My blood in the rain
Sing hallelujah came like a train
When all is lost, all is left to gain

I won't back down
And I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid

And I won't back down
And I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid ground

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Sing Hallelujah...
Sing Hallelujah...

-JoshNg-

Warm...

2010-03-01T23:45:00.003+08:00

Chapter 5.3 of AS Biology says that

Green House Effect is Good.Enhanced Green House Effect is Bad.

Still can't wrap my mind around it...

Today I had a chat with a HA04 student at random in the bus. If you were in my college, HA03 students do not like HA04 students. I'm HA03 btw. It's because of them, our classes are at random venues so there's a lot of travelling. HELP ain't like Sunway or UCSI where it's a centralized campus. I need to take a bus here and there,cross the street to another block etc..So in other words, the management is having us accommodating them. I don't mind it but sometimes it's just too much,over the line,oh no you didn't,etc.... Till now, I don't have a proper venue for my Bio class. Every Monday, I have to call up my lecturer and ask him where's class and he has to go down to Help Desk to ask the management. So it's a hassle. Like today we wasted 35 minutes finding a class for ourselves. Doesn't help that I'm the class rep la.Have to sms everybody. They Did Not Schedule A Venue For My Bio Class Till Today!! and I can't submit a complain to the management...great...

Anyway about the HA04 student... It was random and a lil weird but it actually felt good. It was different then the chat I have with friends. We're total strangers and we could actually talk for quite sometime without feeling awkward or anything. I don't know why but in the midst of talking to him,it felt like a release/relieve.It really felt like I knew him for a long time. God knows what I needed I guess. =) We talked about lecturers and notes. Gave him some advice on where and whose notes to get. Encouraged to continue studying even though he did not get the uber awesome lecturers I got! heheh..They are not that uber awesome anyway..It still boils down to you in the end of the day.

It's 12.12am song time...haha..Today's is Joshua Radin-The Fear you won't fall..it's peaceful and warm.Hot chocolate with marshmallows beside the fire. Sounds like he's whispering to his instruments..enjoy

Lyrics to The Fear You Won't Fall :
Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

-JoshNg-

Update?

2010-03-01T05:27:00.004+08:00

Scientist are arguing whether or not the ice caps are gonna melt that bad. The fact that it is melting is already a severe indication of how terrible things are gonna get. And they are now arguing. Wow...makes my future profession(hopefully and prayerfully) look so immature...

Is there a point sleeping now? It's 5.30am in the morning.I'll be waking up in 30 minutes normally. I shud go make some coffee before my hands start shaking again. Yea..I'm old. Now, when I get really tired, my hands start to shiver.

I read this line in the newspaper today. It makes some sense...it says

Let people do what it is in their nature to do,and study it so you can manage and benefit from it

Ain't that always the case? You wanna be better at something, it comes naturally to observe/approach someone better so you can improve or better still overtake them. We were made to be imitators and the fact that no one is perfect makes us better imitators. We imitate a lot so we can be the best and we like it when people want to imitate you. That's the whole concept about these celebrities. Why do you think they wanna set trends and show of their bling and blang and bloom etc... We imitate so much from so many different sources but somehow we always forget to imitate God's way. Why do you think so? Something you can think about.

So what about me..I don't know. It's just what you see la. Have been through quite a lot in such little time. So currently, still trying to manage everything from my personal life to family to friends to church to ministry and to commitments...

Time for song of the morning! This is recorded by a close friend,Wei-Ming. He did a cover frm Colbie Caillat & Jason Reeves's Paint it Golden. Enjoy...I think it's pleasant. =)

Run away from money
Quit your job and climb a tree
One with hearts instead of leaves
Build a sandcastle big enough for us to sleep
Paint it golden with the sunrise

Chorus:
Cause we are
Like a wingless bird
Crashing down
To the helpless earth
And if somethin's gonna break it
See it all around you
Feel it in your body
You'll be hiding in the shadows
Where love is still alive
'Til all of it is burning

Through a field we're walkin
Empty as the open sky
We escape from all the troubles
Found a waterfall and
Took a dive to cool our skin
Finally we found this feelin'

Run away from money
Quit your job and climb a tree
One with hearts instead of leaves

-JoshNg-

Mine or yours?

2010-02-20T11:52:00.002+08:00

We've always been singing about what the world can't take from us....

But have we considered the stuff we willingly give to the world?

-JoshNg-

2010-02-07T21:28:00.001+08:00

Just wow....

Over My Head

2010-01-31T22:32:00.002+08:00

Can't believe it I actually argued with a friend over this song...Those were the days...how interesting....

-JoshNg-

Beauty will rise

2010-01-28T13:00:00.004+08:00

An album frm SCC which stands for Steven Curtis Chapman... I enjoyed it. Very meaningful. An album you'd be able to engage? or connect or erm relate to if you have lost a person close to you before.

'' SEE'' is my favorite track...enjoy

Right now all I can taste are bitter tears
Right now all I can see are clouds of sorrow
From the other side of all this grief
Is that you I hear, laughing loud
Calling out to me

See, its everything you said that it would be
And even better than you would believe
And I’m counting down the days
Until you’re hear with me
And finally you’ll see

But right now all I can say is Lord, how long
Before you come and take away this aching
This night of weeping seems to have no end
But when the morning light breaks through
We’ll open up our eyes

And see, its everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And He’s counting down the days
Until He says come with me
And finally

He’ll wipe every tear from our eyes
And make everything new just like He promised
Wait and see
Just wait and see
Wait and see

And I’m counting down the days
Until I see,
Its everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And I’m counting down the days
Til He says come with me
And finally we’ll see
We will see

-JoshNg-

The Most

2010-01-23T23:56:00.003+08:00

Exams just ended. Can't really say I did good but I did my best. Some might say that's all you need to do. Just do your best. I'm so sick of that line. That line does not allow room for improvement. You do your best and so what if your best is not enough? What are u gonna do about it? Practice till perfection or leave it so you can use that line as a form of pathetic excuse the next time you fail. All my life I've never been the best. I've always been the second or third best in everything I do. Second or third pick for the stuff I get involved in. For a long time I comforted myself saying,'' JoshNg you need to count your blessings.'' Yes , count my blessings I do but I don't want to just do my best. I want to BE the best. But like what a friend said,''what if God meant for your life to never succeed? What if all your life God meant for you to be second or third or even last.What are you gonna do about it..I'm just so taken down by everything that happens around me that I'm tearing myself down and I don't know what to feel anymore. I feel very inconsistent with the decisions that I make that I feel I don't have a backbone. Sometimes I just feel like, JoshNg you gotta stop lying to yourself! Get back to reality man...If it's like that means it's like that,'' you know? Sigh..but I know that's not the way to go. God did not create me to be the tail but the head.

Today I watched ''The Tooth Fairy'' with Dal and Leech just a small outing to celebrate or rather to just spend time after my exams. These two people are the ones who were there looking out for when I was at my breaking point(points) during the past 2 weeks and I really thank God for these two people(and also everyone else was not free). There were others but these were the obvious ones.Back to the Tooth Fairy, what I learned frm it is to never stop saying ''what if'' ... The minute we view and judge things from a strictly factual cause and action based mind which I have a tendency towards to, I'll never be able to see other possibilities that might be of greater things. All I'll ever see is just one path supported by facts and reality and nothing else..Tooth Fairy is a nice show btw..I laughed quite alot..haha

So many things crossed my mind these two weeks maybe coz I used my brain more often(for studying) so it made the environment conducive for all these thoughts,questions, and riddles(tunes too) to come in the mind. Some of things I thought just can't be helped although I want to and maybe I should just let it go...maybe.. I decided that I should not force things around me to happen the way I want it to be. Just get real and really to stop lying to myself. Be honest about the way I feel about certain stuff and the decisions I make. Should not make it just to please or ease the environment for others. Keep my conscience clear. Got to learn to LET GO of the things around me. Really let go...

What I want doesn't necessarily be the best for me. Only God knows. So I should just confide in him and let him set the course of the area's of my life. Yea.I should.... It's a rocky road ahead..

-JoshNg-

Yes I should start journaling

Can't get it right

2010-01-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

So first part of exams are over. It's really depressing. Practically memorized the notes for chem but exam was still tough. Sigh...the mistakes everywhere. And to actually think I was prepared? I was prepared. I did prepare my best for the exam. I did what I needed to do. But maybe it's just not enough. Have I been overestimating myself thinking that I can do a lot and now everything just backfires. Too many questions to answer now.Just go study for the remaining subjects now...

*No I'm not giving up btw in response to the video. It just seems like the song to listen too now.haha..not tomorrow..

-JoshNg-

Ask Why

2010-01-12T20:19:00.003+08:00

No that ain't the title of the song. It's called lifeline. It's quite a nice song. Let it tickle your ears,or rather let it flow down your ears. Which ever that suits u best..

*and yes..ignore the video..just listen.

you’re watching everything you ever held on to
slip away from you
and all you’re running from well it’s catching up to you

got you looking for a lifeline
swimming in the high tide
waiting for the daylight
to bring you home

the world is too big to never ask why
the answers don’t fall straight out of the sky
i’m fighting to live and feel alive
but i can’t feel a thing without you by my side
send me out a lifeline

you’re watching everyone you ever belonged to
walk away from you
maybe all along you’ve been running from the truth

got you looking for a lifeline
you’re swimming in the high tide
waiting for the daylight
to bring you home

there’s nothing i would change, i’d give it all away
for you again and again and over again
everything i own is in your control

i’m looking for a lifeline
swimming in the high tide
waiting for the daylight
to bring me home

-JoshNg-

breathe...

2010-01-07T02:32:00.000+08:00

New Year.

2010-01-01T09:47:00.005+08:00

So it's a new year people. Started the year off with prayer,a eventful ride in Dalvin's car,time with friends, and a decision and I must say it's not going to be an easy one. You know how sometimes you just can sense that something is gonna come against you. Yea..I feel it in every part of my soul even before the year ended. Gonna believe that this is the year I'll do things that i have never done before.

So just to start the year of, I'm just gonna surrender everything to God. Relationships,Education,Financial,Spiritual,Growth, basically everything that I can think of that makes part of me. (Yes,I'll still be a sadist..heheh)

-JoshNg-

Solutions

2009-12-12T02:25:00.004+08:00

Yeow peeps,

So just about a few minutes ago I was talking to my buddy after talking to him about a few hours in our short reunion with Dre,WH,AY,NK,KY and VY.

It was kinda interesting our conversation or at least I found it interesting.it went like,

Ray: Spread the Christmas spirit

me : Everyday is Christmas ler

Ray : tis is the season to be jolly.yeah! but more on this month..haha..concentrated christmas month

me :Lol...makes Christmas sound like a solution now.

Ray : but it is always the solution

Get it??? Solution as in solution in water and solution as in answer to a question. No??Didnt get it?. You're too slow..haha. Me likey...word play.. =)

How Many Kings

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

The chorus of this song is really self explanatory and it's so true. So for all the times we thought that we were nothing. Well..i guess it isn't so..so stop thinking that way.

-JoshNg-

Proto-oncogenes

2009-12-03T16:51:00.002+08:00

Proto-oncogenes are a group of genes that cause normal cells to become cancerous when they are mutated (Adamson, 1987; Weinstein & Joe, 2006). Mutations in proto-oncogenes are typically dominant in nature, and the mutated version of a proto-oncogene is called an oncogene. Often, proto-oncogenes encode proteins that function to stimulate cell division, inhibit cell differentiation, and halt cell death. All of these processes are important for normal human development and for the maintenance of tissues and organs. Oncogenes, however, typically exhibit increased production of these proteins, thus leading to increased cell division, decreased cell differentiation, and inhibition of cell death; taken together, these phenotypes define cancercells. Thus, oncogenes are currently a major molecular target for anti-cancer drug design.

sigh

9.19pm

2009-11-29T21:19:00.002+08:00

Time for some writing session..

November is coming to an end and December is coming and then January which means EXAMS!!! What a way to start the year with...exams.I saw my timetable..it's not very convenient at all. Seems like only yesterday I was having my SPM which was actually one year ago. One year ago and time flies just like that. So what have I accomplished so far? I have no idea. I really don't know. Just like how people used to say that when you are giving, it's only considered ''giving'' if you are giving beyond yourself..beyond your comfort, beyond your capabilities,etc.. Likewise, have I actually achieved something beyond what I can achieve or am I just wallowing around what I can achieve. That's a question I would like to know the answer myself.

You know when we were younger,we always hear the old uncle's and aunties say stuff like ''life is not as easy as it seems'', ''You'll understand when you're older'', you're still young don't have to think so much'', ''It will come when you're older''. It's all so true. You will only be aware of something when you become conscious about it. A fine example would be between a musician and a doctor for example. Give them a song to listen and the musician will automatically pick up rhythms,notes,keys, and by the end of the song he would have accumulated enough to start a forum. The doctor on the other hand would only know how to appreciate the song as a song. Nice lyrics,tempo, his type of genre perhaps and that's basically it.(taking into consideration if the doctor has no musical background) So what do you do when you become aware of something when no one else noticed? Spread the word? Deal with it? Look away? Pretend you didn't know? Follow what the next person is doing? Your pick. Why should anyone force you to decide? When God asks you one day WHY?? then at least you can say it was your decision made out of your own critical thinking and that no one influenced you. Be responsible for your own for goodness sake's. Why are you letting other's own your life.

Now let me promote about FGA conference this year. If your not going because of an excuse you know yourself that is unacceptable, it is for you to deal with. Yes go find a thousand and one excuses to cover up. But at the end of the day, what matters is the heart. Your heart. Your OWN heart. Not the heart of the person next to you. This is why the bible speaks of guarding your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Your life guys. If God gave you life and you ruined it,get to work and do something about it. Don't wait till something happens to shake you up and then only you start to get to work. Don't just sit and wait for things to work itself out coz in reality, nothing works it's way out. I think most of the time it goes with the illustration Pastor Angie told about today. it's like and apple. When you cut an apple count how many seeds are there inside2?3?4?5?6? so now you can safely say there are *lets say* 2 seeds in an apple. So the next question is how many apple's are there in those seeds? The answer is countless. There are 2 explanations to this.

1. You plant the seed and you get a tree with more apples and the cycle goes on and on.

2. *a bit of biology* All plant cells are totipotent so if you can get a cell at any part of the plant and grow in a culture medium it can give rise to another plant. So basically yea. You can replicate it again and again using any part of the plant.

So most of the time we think that when we give or sacrifice something, we always think we're at the losing end and someone else is at the receiving end. We think of it as a transaction. We lose and they gain. But in fact both gain.. When you give or sacrifice, you bless others..you yourself get blessed. Don't ask me how. You do it and ask/see/experience yourself how did you get blessed. Start being conscious about and you'll know yourself. Enough of the spoon feeding that you get daily. That's the problem with our generation. We know too much. Before we execute something, we already know/expect the results we're suppose to get and we're clear of the process of it. So in the end we don't bother doing it at all because we know the outcome. And it comes to a point where we judge whether if it's worth it to sacrifice so much to experience that outcome that we expected. But let me assure you don't be so naive. It is so much bigger that that. Don't think that what you expect you will get it. God has his ways and also be assured that our thoughts are no where near his. We think we can play God but actually God is always the one in control. So now that you know it, stop playing God.

Moving on, college or rather life has been erm..starting to effect me more and more. So because of that alot of unnecessary emotions has been conjured and unnecessary thoughts has invaded my mind. I have been made aware/conscious of certain things that are really tiring my mind.Trying to clear it all has also been very hard. But no worries, it's in the process of getting it fixed. What has been imparted to me is Mark 6:50...It's a simple verse,'' Take courage!I am here!'' At times when you are down and miserably and depressed when we can't see Jesus, He sees us. He sees our hard work,exhaustion,sorrow,fear, and our lack of progress, and that He deeply cares for you(me) When we can't seem to go to him, He comes to us in unexpected and powerful ways. Sometimes he comes, not to deliver us coz we still need to learn. He comes to remind us that He's still in control and will not let us be overwhelmed. When we can't speak, He speaks for us and to us. When we can't defend ourselves, He'll defend us. I'm assured that He is right by my side.

so till then,

-JoshNg-

8.08

2009-11-08T20:08:00.002+08:00

Time's running.

Just do what needs to be done.

LIVE.REVOLUTION AMPLIFIED

2009-10-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

Youth Church proudly presents

Live.Revolution Amplified Conference

http://revolution.my/

I must say this year's ''camp'' is gonna be a very interesting and challenging one. This year is really a ''walk the talk'' camp and I'm looking forward to it. So to those in highschool you guys better sign up as the conference is catered for you and you only. Let's see what's installed for us.Awesomeness.

Everything you need to know about the conference is in the link above.

08.48

2009-10-10T20:48:00.001+08:00

Amazing love,
now what else shall I need
Your name brings life,
it's more than the air I breathe

My world has changed,
when Your life You gave for me
My purpose found
and all that You want for me

And I've found myself in You, Lord
And I've found myself in You

And I've found myself in You, Jesus
And I've found myself in You, Lord

So take me to a place
where I can see You face to face
and all I wanna do, all I wanna do
is worship You
So take me to a place
where I can see You face to face
and all I wanna do, all I wanna do
is worship You

-JoshNg-

12.12pm

2009-09-20T21:27:00.003+08:00

It's about time this blog gets an update. Have been busy for the past few weeks with studies and church and all...

So the update is

1. Just because you can doesn't mean you should..I need to know my own boundaries. There are things I can't do that people can do so well and there are things people can't do that I can do so well. So stop comparing among ourselves as each of us are all different. And what if we're better than somebody. now what does that prove?what do we want to prove? what are we trying to show? What is the basis of all of our actions to show we're better? insecurity perhaps? identity crisis? which now leads to another question...

2. Time to raise the bar...Lets not settle for mediocrity anymore. There use to be a time where I aimed for perfection. But as time goes by, I realized that I gave in and started to do just enough.. Maybe sometimes I aimed for the clouds but then everything just backfires and then motivation just drained out of me. But I think the challenge is to remain in that state to not settle for mediocrity but rather to aim for excellence. Though it may be hard but hey nothing is impossible if God is on my side. I like how the lyrics go for a song which I listen to everyday last year(not literally but just frequently),it goes ''Even though I feel so lonely like I have never been before,you never said it would be easy but you said you'll see me through the storm''. That has been the theme of my life for the past few months and it's really time to move on.

3. Never lose the wonder of who God is. We can carry our own weight's but the question is how much can we carry. We as humans will eventually have our limit point. So the solution is to be dependent on God. Sounds easy but it's not as easy as it sounds as we, or more specifically me have gone through 18 years being self dependent most of the time. It's time I'd make myself vulnerable to God. A fine lady once said, ''if you wanna experience God,ask him to break your heart''.

It's about time...

-JoshNg-

Everything

2009-08-24T00:21:00.003+08:00

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

Reliable Realist

2009-08-18T18:20:00.003+08:00

Interesting Personality test on Ce's blog...

I am a..

Reliable Realists are down-to-earth and responsible-minded. They are precise, reserved and demanding. Their most prominent quality is reliability and they will always make every effort to keep any promise given. Reliable Realists are more quiet and serious persons, they do not talk a lot but they are good listeners. They sometimes seem reserved and distant to outsiders although they often have a great deal of wit and esprit. Their strong points are thoroughness, a marked sense of justice, doggedness bordering on pigheadedness and a pragmatic, vigorous and purposeful manner. Reliable Realists do not dither about if something has to be done. They do what is necessary without wasting words.

This personality type not only expects a lot of himself but also of others. Once Reliable Realists have set their mind on something, it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. They do not like to leave anything to chance. Planning means safety to Reliable Realists, as well as order and discipline. They have no problem respecting authorities and hierarchies but do not like to delegate tasks. They are certain that others would not deal with them as conscientiously as they do. In management positions, they are very task-oriented - they make sure that things are well done; however, they do not have a great deal of interest in personal contacts at work.

In relationships too, Reliable Realists are reliability itself. As partners, they are faithful and consistent, well-balanced and sensible. Security and stability are very important to them. They have little time for extravagances and flightiness. Whoever has them as friend or partner can rely on them for a lifetime. However, it takes quite a while for Reliable Realists to enter into a relationship or friendship. They have little need for social contacts; they therefore take great care when choosing partners and friends and limit themselves to a small but exclusive circle which meets their high demands. They tend to show their closeness to people who are important to them by deeds - their partner should rather not expect romantic declarations of love

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, practical, logical, planning, tradition-conscious, organised, persistent, objective, tidy, conscientious, cautious, loyal, peace-loving, sensible, down-to-earth, responsible-minded, reserved, careful, independent, punctual, precise, demanding, ability to concentrate, trustworthy, pedantic, reliable, persevering

So very interesting....

Feels Like

2009-08-05T22:24:00.002+08:00

I fail in every single way but,
Every time I hear you say,
"Faithful one. Come in to this place
the place of rest where you belong,"
Anticipate the final day when I -
Fall into your warm embrace.
With everything that I’ve been through
Nothing else compares -

And it feels like,
All these tears are coming through,
when I think of all you do.
And it feels like,
all this joy is bleeding through,
When I think of seeing you.

I complicate this very state of
resting in what you create,
Nothing goes out your control.
You’ve given me this very soul.

You cared enough to take my place,
And have given me unending grace.
I know that you know every need -
that’s my security.

All your ways are so mysterious,
and never far your ear - to hear us.
I’ll never thirst from this drink,
that you give.

Hey

2009-08-04T22:34:00.003+08:00

Hookays....

Announcements....

1. The YC Futsal Tournament 2009 is drawing closer and closer. We're only 3 weeks away!

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me. More info is available at http://ycfutsal09.blogspot.com

So do make the effort to sign up if you're interested.

2. The Chicken,The Beef, THe Sacrificial Lamb....

An interesting cooking competition happening in YM in 3 weeks time if not mistaken...take a look at the trailer.kinda funny.

4. Happy Birthday to Lamb and Yan Le(and also Yan Zheng). August babies for this year. Altho only exactly 1 month of getting to know you people, you guys are considered close buddies..=) Cake for Lamb and Movie and cake for Yan Le. Not forgetting shaving cream for Yan Le.=) I have to say after watching ''The Proposal'' i want to got o Alaska one day...so beautiful.

5. College is interesting. I think I'm getting the hang of it. Sigh take so long to start up my engines. Today it's Terrence's team for LAN presentation. It went well. There were lots of laughter during the presentation. Claps claps to you guys. Now lets hope things go well for my side.

6. Next week is my semester break. I'm kinda booked already which is a good thing some might say coz I would be sure not to laze around and sleep like a log. Yes I appreciate the whole ''get to do stuff'' thing but also I wish to have time for my own. However, it's not possible. Not very possible. Which all means time management is important. And I can't believe I played Left 4 Dead. Bunch of college friends(Imogen) brought me to cc to play and now it's starting to become a regular thing. It's kinda a interesting game to play tho.

-JoshNg-

College Buddies

2009-07-21T21:02:00.006+08:00

College Buddie..This is Haran. He is 15 years old this year and he is doing A-Levels. He is known as Handsome Boy coz Shenn has alot of Handsome Boy pictures in her phone. All self taken by Haran. Haha.
And this is Yan Le. We're in our lab coats,our clean white labbies. So fun to wear them around the lab. Yan Le is 18 and he has a twin brother as mentioned before and I know. I know he longs for his little brother to call him Ko Ko.

And this is our experiment. It kinda failed coz it supposed to be crystals but it turned out to be crystal powder..heheh.

Thats all for now..=)

-JoshNg-

Labs and Chemicals in College

2009-07-16T21:36:00.002+08:00

Last Monday one gang of us went to Mid Valley after class coz we had a 4 hour break..So funny we watched Ice Age 3..It's funny but not as funny as Pink Panther. Apparently I was laughing like mad for the show says the people around me. Oh well, watch me watch Pink Panther 2...haha. Had lunch at Carl's Junior before the movie and oh the Jokes that flew across the table was hilarious ..Haha..Had a great time that day with college buddies..

Owh I got lost yesterday on my way to college the ''shortcut'' to Bangsar from Mid Valley closed yesterday morning. So I had to improvise.I followed road signs and I ended up back in church and then Kerinchi Link and then Mont Kiara...hmm...then made one big U turn and realize I missed the turning into college.Well that's for morning activities before class..so interesting.

I Love Chemistry Practical!!!!...so awesome and fun. It's like having the whole lab for yourself and u get to do anything you want(as long as the teacher is fine with it which isn't a problem)..

All my lecturers are males except Chem and Bio practical. Miss Lai is the best la. Impossible to sleep in her class. Mr Lim(Physics practical) is funny but Mr Ling(physics theory) is yawn.I slept in his class the first day of college. Sorry teacher but I just can't help it. hehe...Mr Ronnie for Bio is not that bad but class can get a little mundane at times. Most of the time is because he answers his own questions and that happens because we forgot everything we learnt in high school. Mr Noel for Maths is awesome. He is really cool with us and quite gaya also. He comes in the class with shades and introduces us to rock bands with a cool Pda.=) Every time he uses his marker pen he flips it in the air and that's his signature move. Haha. Cool..=)

But still I can't understand Physics when Mr. Ling teaches it...Need more practice and books and notes..

Labs are so cool..everything is maintained as if new and clean.=)

Look Yan Le's experiments..so colourful. Yan Le is my college buddy btw. He has a identical twin brother which I don't think looks like him(everyone else thinks otherwise...oh well)

Look at mine it's colourful too...so interesting..It's just tests for reducing sugar,non reducing,lipids,protein, etc if you still haven't guessed it yet.

And I Want My Lab Coat!!!!It looks so cool...But the lab assistant ordered and it only comes next week for size M,L,and XL...sigh.

So far wads good is Maths and Chemistry...

Not so good is Bio and

Really not good is Physics...

Lots of practice needed then..=)

For now...lots of coping to do..

-JoshNg-

more posts coming up for friends in collage...=)

Through it all.

2009-07-12T19:07:00.004+08:00

Hmm..sometimes the effort is there but then the agenda that you are putting effort into seems to go the other direction and you feel like it's reasonabe to give in.

College has been interestingly hard. My whole class are having the same dreams and ambition if I must say. It's stressful.There's future doctors,dentists,surgeons, one biotech and one musician(a bit sesat wan la...haha) in the making.We're all taking pure science and everything seems to be heading the direction against me. Coping is hard considering I've almost lost everything I studied before. However it's just he first week and if I give up now, well..there's 6 years more of studying. But I believe I can make it with God by my side. Might not be the most pleasent ride in my life but He will see me through the storm. It's gonna be one long stormy ride.

It's so amazing how everytime God speaks to you. You'll never get bored of it and the way he does things are just so amazing. He speaks thru many unimaginable ways. As for me It's always through songs. There's this song and it's lyrics are a synonym to what I feel. It's ''Hw Will Carry Me'' by ''Mark Schultz'', so go checky checky.Who knew it was in my computer for almost 4 years already. =)

-JoshNg-

Buddy

2009-07-06T20:17:00.003+08:00

How nice wud it be to meet an old buddy on some random road on your way back from college..And I did..=)..Met Wai Hong at the bus stop today. Sent him home. Familiar faces from the past and present. =)

Wai Hong when I look at you I think of.....

Hahaha

-JoshNg-

College..

2009-07-05T21:40:00.003+08:00

Me is going to Help University College..after months of thinking...sigh

Tmr classes are starting. Lets hope I find my correct class coz honestly I don't know how to intepret my timetable correctly. It's so confusing.Oh well...We see tomorrow. 4 science subjects called Bio,Chem,Phy, and Maths are going to be studied by me for the next one and a half year. Suffer or no suffer. This is how it's gonna be for quite sometime. So God help me go through Help..=)